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Jokes

Jungle ki party me Chuha 6-7 peg lagake tun tha.

..........
Billi: Aaj mai tujhe kha jaungi.
Chuha: Ja chali ja....varna log kahenge ki peeke

aurat pe hath utha diya.. :P
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Chidiya ka bachcha: Maa aasman kitna bada hai?
Chidiya bachche ko apne pankho mein sametkar boli:

"Isase chhota hai."
Nothing is bigger than Mother's Love.
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Santa: Ye Gandhi baba har note par haste kyon rahte

hain?
Banta: Royenge to note gila nahin ho jaayega!!
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Ek "Cheeta" cigarette ka sutta lagane hi wala tha ki

wahaa ek "Chuha" ayaa aur bola - Bhai chhod do ye

nashaa, aao mere saath, dekho ye jungle kitna hasin

hai.
Cheeta, Chuhe ke saat chal diyaa.
Aage ek "Haathi" cocaine pi raha tha,
Chuha phir bola - Bhai chhod do ye nashaa, aao mere

saath, dekho ye jungle kitna hasin hai.
Haathi bhi saath chal diyaa.
Aage ek "Sher" whisky peene ki taiyari kar rahaa tha,
Chuhe ne usase bhi wahi kahaa.
Sher ne glass ko side mein rakhaa aur chuhe ko 5-6

thappar maare.
Haathi bola - Are kyo maar raho is bechaare ko? Ye to

achchhi baat bol rahaa hai.
Sher bola - Is kamine ne pichhali baar bhi "Afeem"

khaakar mujhe teen ghante tak jungle mein aise hi

ghumaaya tha.

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Girl romantically to Rajnikanth: Ek chutki sindoor ki

kimat tum kya jaano Rajni babu?
Rajnikant: 0.000000000007892724576
Mind it. :)

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Santa to wife: Dear coca cola peene ke baad kuchh

karne ko ji chaah raha hai.
Wife (sharmaate huye): to karo jii.
Santa:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
PrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrrRrrr
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HAQIQAT:

Ladki saath ho to restaurant ka bill.
Ladki door ho to mobile ka bill.
Ladki ekdam door ho jaaye to daaru ka bill.
Isliye, na lagaao dil, na ayega bill.

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Santa, kadhi chaawal khaa rahaa tha. Ek makkhi baar

baar us par baithne ki koshish kar rahi thi.
Santa: Are hat jaa, ye wo nahin hai jo tu samajh rahi

hai.

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Santa: Oye, kal tune jis ladki ko swimming pool mein

doobne se bachaya, usane fanda lagakar suicide kar

liya.
Banta: Kya? are mai to use ped par sukhane ke liye

taang kar aaya tha.

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Arj kiya hai...
Mujhko samajh na aaya aaj tak
Teacher ka ye funda
Wah Wah Wah Wah!
Mujhko bana deti thi MURGA
aur
Khud copy pe deti thi ANDA!

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Wife apne pati ko maar rahi thi.
Padosi - "Kyu maar rahi ho?"
Wife - Inko dopahar ko call kiya to udhar se ek ladki

boli,
Aap jisase sampark karna chahte ho wo abhi byast hai.

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Santa Ghode par baith kar "Red Signal" paar kar gaya.
Traffic hawaldaar pichhe bhaga,
Santa Ghode ki pooch utha kar bola, le kar le number

note.

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College ke pichhe nadi mein principle doob raha tha.
"Pappu" ne dekha aur zor zor se chillate huye bhaga
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kal chhutti hai!
Kal chhutti hai!!

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Tum kya jaano gam kya hota hai
Tum kya jaano gam kya hota hai
Tumne to aaj tak sirf CELLOTAPE use kiya hai.

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Apne school ki sunaata hu ek prem kahani
Ek topper thi ladki jo thi percentage ki raani
Fir
.
.
Fir kya?
Hamne fasali
aur
Fail ho gayi maharaani.

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A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a

little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

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45 saal ka aadmi ladki dekhne gaya.
Ladki ki maa behosh ho gayi.
Hosh aaya, kaaran puchha to boli-
25 saal pahle ye mujhe bhi dekhne aaya tha.

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Sanskrit teacher: What is the meaning of "Tamso maa

jyotirgamay"?
Student: Tum so jaao maa, main jyoti ke ghar jaa raha

hoon.

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Customer: Aisi chai pilao ki tan man jhoom uthe aur

badan machalne lage.
Waiter: Sir, hamaare yaha bhais ke doodh ki chai

milti hai, NAAGIN ke doodh ki nahin.

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Chor aaya, tijori pe likha tha - todane ki jaroorat

nahin, button 152 press karo khul jaayegi.
Chor ne button press kiya, alarm baja police aayi aur

pakad ke le gayi.
Chor bola - aaj mera insaaniyat par se biswas uth

gaya.

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Husband is the head of the family.
Then what is wife?
Think?
?
?
Wife is neck of the family.
She can turn the head anywhere she wants.

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Commerce wale agar film banaye to unke naam honge-
Kabhi Debit Kabhi Credit
Main Accounts Ki Diwani Hoon
Ham Tax De Chuke Sanam
Hamara Calculator Apke Paas Hai
Chek De India

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Beta mammy se: Kya pari aakash mein udti hai?
Mammy: Haa
Beta: To apni kaam wali kyon nahin udti?
Mammy: Wo pari nahin hai
Beta: Par papa to use pari kahte hain
Mammy: To kal subah hi ud jaayegi

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AMAZING FACT: The average woman speaks about 7000

words a day and the average man speaks about 2000

words a day.

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Teacher to Golu: Homework kyo nahin kiya?
Golu: Sir, light nahin thi.
Teacher: To mombatti jalaa lete.
Golu: Sir, maachis nahin thi.
Teacher: Maachis kyon nahin thi?
Golu: Sir, puja ghar mein rakhi thi.
Teacher: To puja ghar se le aate.
Golu: Sir, nahaaya nahin tha.
Teacher: Nahaaya kyon nahin tha?
Golu: Sir, paani nahin tha.
Teacher: Are, paani kyo nahin tha?
Golu: Sir, motor nahin chal rahi thi.
Teacher: Ohho, ab motor ko kya hua?
Golu: Sir, kitni baar bolu ki light nahin thi.

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Ek ghanta padhne se aur ek ghanta nahin padhne se kya

farak padta hai?
.
.
.
GHANTA farak padta hai.

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Marne ke 3 tarike:
1. Roj cigerate piyo 30 saal mein mar jaaoge.
2. Roj daru piyo 15 saal mein mar jaaoge.
3. Kisi se sachcha pyar kar lo, jeete ji mar jaaoge.

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Edison has rightly said: "A fool can ask more

questions than a wise man can answer."
Now you know why all of us get speechless during

VIVA.

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Ek bachche ka lunch teacher kha gaya. Teacher: beta

ghar jaake mera naam to nahin bataoge? Bachcha: nahin

sir, mummy ko bolunga lunch kutta kha gaya.

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A child love story: ek bachche ki girlfriend sunami

mein mar gayi. Wo roj samundar k paas jata, laharein

uska pai bheega deti. Wo rota aur kehta- kitna bhi

pair chhu le maaf nahin karunga.

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